St. Valentines: A Special Day to Celebrate Friends and Love (2024)

The Legend of St. Valentine

Valentine’s Day is upon us, brimming with heart-shaped candy, Hallmark cards of admiration, and lavish gift exchanges among starry-eyed couples. This proclamation of affection originated with devoted church minister-turned-saint Monsignor Valentine in 270 AD. Evidently, Valentine met the unfortunate fate of being prosecuted for performing well-intentioned marriages between soldiers and their brides. It was wartime, after all, and the government law was that eager grooms ought to have been ogling not their waiting ladies but serious state affairs instead. Historians add that the priest himself fell by the arrow of Cupid during imprisonment, having signed an emotional pre-execution letter in mid-February to his lover, which, predictably, signed off with… from your Valentine.

The 14^th day of February is forever highlighted in our diary, presumably in honor of St. Valentine and all the blokes who have fallen head-over-heels in love. But what does the celebrated day look like for the un-romanced? For single persons calling themselves “consciously uncoupled”?

Not everyone is in a dreamy relationship. Given the demands of work and life today, intimate relationships are hard to come by. Online dating has opened new doors for meeting that special person, but online apps have also been criticized for creating feelings of insecurity and worry towards strangers over the internet. Not to mention that divorce rates today are astronomical, making it taxing for separated folks to manage childcare, deal with financial burdens, and overcome the emotional turmoil that comes with having suffered a failed relationship.

So, how do you fill a potential void? How would you prevent yourself from being socially isolated?

Idealizing Friendships Over Romance

In my new book, Alone Time, I suggest that there are times when adults and children alike profit from willingly separating from the social group and practicing some solitude—to explore inner strengths, set goals, and eliminate mind chatter. But in that self-help guide, I make it perfectly clear that aloneness should not be too frequent or take up the majority of the day. No one should feel lonely or excluded from their people. Humans are social animals, and we rely on others for aid, growth, and companionship.

In social research by Melikşah Demir, Lauren Fisher, and their colleagues, a good-quality friendship—someone to depend on for companionship, instrumental help, validation, and emotional support—has been positively linked to feelings of happiness and a sense of belonging. For adults with a history of clinical depression, the experience of low mood is actually lessened when one feels a sense of belonging to a group. Anecdotally, I think you’d agree that being in the company of comrades just feels good, especially when working through tough patches or changing times.

In the Washington Post article, “Why are Gen Zers valuing friendships over romance?” Renee Yaseen observes that adults today seem gratified with a long-term alliance over romantic liaisons, modeled by television hit series like Friends, Seinfeld, and Sex in the City. Relationships in contemporary society are diverse and complicated and quite unlike the stereotypical bonds your parents and grandparents learned about from watching I Love Lucy, The Honeymooners, Bewitched, and The Cosby Show. Thanks to Millennials, our culture’s new normal of partnerships includes the so-called situationship—something in between a romantic relationship and a friendship. The bottom line is that you can care a lot about people yet not be in a place where you feel in love. What does all this mean when it comes to participating in (or tolerating) Valentine’s Day?

Embracing Valentine’s Day to (Re)Connect

Whether or not you are in some type of partnership, take a moment to reflect on what St. Valentine’s Day means to you. Look back on your childhood and remember that Valentine’s Day afforded the opportunity for people to express positive regard towards others. For example, caregivers and family members might have lovingly offered you sweets, likely on the morning of Valentine’s Day. Perhaps you recall a time you and your best friend baked a cake or celebrated the red heart day by going to the shopping mall together. And don’t forget the elementary school teacher who encouraged you and fellow pupils to exchange Snoopy, SpongeBob, or Barbie mini-Valentine cards as a smart way to foster collegiality in the classroom. Now, reflect on what Valentine’s Day can mean to you going forward. Have the confidence to express goodwill to those who have contributed to you becoming stronger, wiser, and happier in the course of life.

Whether you are involved in a relationship or not, it isn’t a bad idea to use this special day to try one or more of the following:

• Stay in touch with faraway family members by phone call, email, or text message.
• Send a bouquet of flowers or e-card to your “bestie”—a friend at home or at the workplace.
• Introduce yourself to neighbors and present their kids with a box of truffles as a way of being kind.
• Reconnect with old friends and host a game night or share a fun meal together.
• Spend quality time watching flicks or going for a long walk on a trail or beach with that special person in your life.

Concluding Remarks: Celebrate Love and Friends

In our present-day culture, we will always be flooded with messages about seeking romantic love, and February 14th is a day we naturally associate with love and affection. Yet February 14^th need not be a day dedicated solely to dreamy duos. It is good to value caring souls, acquaintances, and the general public who—one way or another—pointed you in the right direction, pushed you to achieve goals, and gave you purpose and meaning. Let’s take the opportunity to express good feelings openly and freely—one where we genuinely acknowledge one another as family, as buddies, and, of course, as fellow citizens.

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